5 Differences Between MEN and BOYS
We talk about the complexities of life and relationships so we can understand them, move from confusion, and get closer to clarity. Ready? Let’s dive in. Every time we bring up the subject of maturity, being a boy versus being a man, people say, “Jeff, of course, it’s just about age,” and it’s so untrue.
Being a boy versus being a man comes from one thing and one thing only: maturity. And maturity has no specific number. When we look closely and see the differences between the two, you’ll understand what I’m talking about.
It’s really about their mindset, their intentions, and most of all, their actions. I have met boys who are more mature than men twice their age. Here are the five things that make up the difference.
1. Boys Make Excuses, Men Own Mistakes
A mature man admits when he’s wrong and does everything in his power to rectify his mistakes. Excuses have become prevalent in today’s society, where many prefer to play the victim rather than taking responsibility for their actions.
We often attribute our behavior to external circumstances, using them as justifications for our choices. Such a mindset reflects a lack of maturity, a deficiency in comprehensive understanding, and a dearth of self-awareness.
It’s essential to recognize what constitutes a poor decision. While a mature man understands that no one is endowed with all the tools for perfect behavior, he takes a different approach.
He examines his mistakes and takes ownership, saying, “I acknowledge my responsibility for my actions, and I can change my behavior because it’s within my control.”
In contrast, a boy lacks this ability for self-control and tends to shift blame onto others, whereas a man firmly asserts, “This is what I own, and I’m accountable for it.”
2. Clarity of Thought: Boys vs. Men
A mature man knows what he wants and can easily communicate it. In contrast, a boy often experiences emotional turbulence, which can be quite unhealthy. Boys in relationships may exhibit extreme neediness, ghosting behavior, jealousy, or intense anger.
On the other hand, a mature man can express his desires clearly. He can say, “This is precisely what I’m looking for in a relationship,” and communicate his expectations for how he should be treated, respected, loved, and valued. It’s important to understand that these principles are not universal; what works in one situation may not work in another.
In the workplace, it’s not uncommon for colleagues to lash out at each other due to their inability to communicate their needs or frustrations. Some may even believe that their leaders or subordinates don’t appreciate them because they don’t understand their feelings. However, here’s the reality: no one can understand how you feel unless you communicate it. People aren’t mind readers.
A mature man is self-aware and recognizes that people can’t read minds. They actively work on understanding themselves better, enhancing their self-awareness, and effectively communicating their needs. This approach leads to improved relationships and interactions.
In summary, effective communication and self-awareness are key differentiators between boys and mature men.
3. Jealousy vs. Protection: Emotional Contrasts
Number three: a boy is exceedingly jealous, while a man is more protective. Jealousy often stems from insecurity, which is a lack of trust in how one feels about somebody else, how they might react toward someone else, and how they will behave when unfamiliar circumstances arise.
Insecurity can be attributed to two things: self-confidence and self-esteem, which are distinct but interconnected concepts. Self-confidence is gained through experience, while self-esteem represents a deeper belief in oneself.
When a boy faces insecurity, they tend to cling tighter, resorting to manipulation, guilt trips, or behaviors that make the other person feel less safe and secure. Paradoxically, while they may desire to keep the person close, their actions can have the opposite effect, as jealousy can’t provide what the other person truly needs—physical, mental, and emotional security.
In contrast, a man’s protective instinct is rooted in a genuine desire to help others feel safe and secure. This principle extends to romantic relationships, workplace interactions, and friendships alike.
A mature man wants people to know that they have their backs and understands their experiences. While they may not always agree, they offer support and respect the other person’s decisions and choices. They possess the self-confidence to allow others the freedom to pursue what excites and fulfills them while maintaining certain boundaries.
The key is finding a balance between being protective and setting boundaries, as well as being supportive while maintaining self-respect. True respect for others starts with self-respect.
4. Actions Speak Louder: Boys’ Words vs. Men’s Actions
A boy tells you he loves you, while a man shows you he loves you. Boys often engage in empty talk, where their words don’t align with their actions. They may boast and use big words to express their ego, but these words lack substance as meaningful actions don’t back them up.
In contrast, a mature man may not verbally disclose all his intentions or feelings, particularly in specific areas, but he will demonstrate his love through actions. He shows his commitment, his dedication to success, and his love for you through consistent daily actions.
It’s a nuanced situation because expressing feelings verbally is important in romantic relationships, as some people’s love languages center around words of affirmation. However, the issue arises when these words lack genuine action.
From a man’s perspective, you can tell he loves you when you see the evidence in his actions. You can say, “I know you love me because you do this, this, and this.” Whether you’re a woman or another man in the relationship, you can gauge someone’s love and care for you by what they show you, not just what they say.
In summary, the crucial difference lies in showing versus telling. A mature man expresses love and commitment through actions that align with their words, making their love more profound and meaningful.
5. Consistency Is Key: Boys vs. Men
Being inconsistent is a boy trait, while a man is consistent. Inconsistency often manifests as erratic emotions, indecisiveness, and frequently changing decisions. On the other hand, a mature man maintains consistency even when they alter their choices. They have well-thought-out reasons for their decisions and can articulate their rationale.
A mature man understands that new information can lead to revised decisions, but their emotional stability remains unwavering. They approach their victories and losses with a consistent attitude. They are reliable partners, dependable colleagues, and self-consistent individuals. They show up every day, and you don’t have to guess where they stand on matters.
This distinction between a boy and a man is not a judgment of right or wrong in their respective contexts. Recognizing that even those who typically act mature can occasionally exhibit childish behavior is essential. We all make mistakes and experience ups and downs. The key is to identify the common denominators of consistency rather than focusing on the outliers.
Conclusion:
So, are you a boy or a man? The distinction isn’t about age but maturity. Understanding the differences in mindset, communication, emotional stability, and actions can help you navigate life more effectively. Remember, we all have moments of immaturity, but the common denominators define us. Strive for maturity, own your mistakes, communicate clearly, protect rather than possess, let your actions speak, and be consistent. In the end, maturity is a journey, not a destination.
